i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
