i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
