if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
