Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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