Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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