Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
