you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
