can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
