the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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