like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
