The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize