I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
