i don't like sucking hair
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
