just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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