had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
