i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
