I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
