I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
