ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
