making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
