When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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