he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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