he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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