I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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