my room smells like sperm. sweet.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
