She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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