I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize