im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
