And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
