Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
