They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize