Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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