i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
