i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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