Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
