So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
