You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize