just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
