Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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