last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
