The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
