it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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