listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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