I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
