Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
