its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
