my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize