im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
