can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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