True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
