I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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