Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
