I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
