omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
