Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
