I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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