You really coming over, don't trick.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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