yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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