I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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