Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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