I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
