Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
