i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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