Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
