I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize