you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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