Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
