I want to have your abortion
you didnt know i had herpes?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
