Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
that's an acceptable place to lick
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Barsexuality is the new black.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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