so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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