I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
