I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
