im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So much rum. So many feels.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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