is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
