just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They have beer where we have blood.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
