Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When are your genitals available?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
