You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize