Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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