Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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