Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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