Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Damn victory sex feels great
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
