I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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