you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
