I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
