dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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