He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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