Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
