Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
