Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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