ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
