I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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