Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
