can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
