some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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