so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well I just put wine in my tea
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize