I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
