Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
