I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
