so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize