do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We had to coat check the pizza.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
