Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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