I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
