so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What a dumb baby whore.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
