I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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