that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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