After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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