So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
