So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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