oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
