I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
