I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
